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Here are the archives of the two few fine publications reporting on the week to week events of New York's UnMasqued. Some issues of certain papers have been edited to preserve player privacy.

The Daily Dirge

Serious News for a World Beset with Woe. The Daily Dirge was a representation of (semi) serious news publications in UnMasqued's New York, giving the PCs a slice of what was actually being noticed by the media. While the Dirge had an edge of black humor to it, this was to be expected in a city such as New York, where stingray kidnapping, tentacle beasts interrupting Knicks games, rouge dental students, hobo eating demons, mystical lightning elementals, and all manner of other incredibly hard to swallow events are brought to the presses each day.

The Dirge also featured a fine Horoscopes column, which was occasionally pertinent to characters' un-lives. While the webmaster does not recall all of the horoscopes that targeted specific characters, they have done their best to note the ones they recall.

FALL 2006

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 15, 2006 [Download as .doc]: Luciferian Organization Takes Credit for “Devil's Thursday”; Further Developments in Columbia University Child Pornography Case; Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, Dead at 44; College Shooting in Montreal; Bionic Woman Eats Steak [Topical Horoscopes For: Darren West (Capricorn)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 29, 2006 [Download as .doc] Serial Arsonist and Murderer Strikes Again; Military Coup in Thailand; OP-ED: Freedom isn't Getting any Freer; Teen Flees to Cuba [Topical Horoscopes For: Darren West (Capricorn), Victor Roske (Virgo), William Lansing (Aquarius)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 13, 2006 [Download as .doc]: Beloved Giant Sting-Ray Stolen; N. Korea Performs Nuclear Tests; Strange Suspect in Bronx Arson/Murder Case; Yankees Pitcher Dies in Upper East Side Plane Crash [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 27, 2006 [Download as .doc]: Psychotic Serial Arsonist Nun Captured; Another Stingray Stabs Another Man in the Chest; Serial Killer Harold Rolling Executed; Pigs Responsible for E. Coli [Topical Horoscopes For: Darren West (Capricorn), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 10, 2006 [Download as .doc] Mother of Arsonist Nun Found Dead; Democrats Take House and Senate; Donald Rumsfeld Resigns; Bizarre Vigilantes Strike New York Streets [Topical Horoscopes For: Reino Haldor (Libra)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 24, 2006 [Download as .doc] Show Dog Becomes Urban Legend; Children Missing; Creationism Museum to Open; Russian Spy Claims He Was Poisoned [Topical Horoscopes For: Michael Montgomery (Scorpio), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, December 8, 2006 [Download as .doc] Man Killed in Vigilante Attack; Harlem Night Club Reports Police Harassment; Blood Shortage Hits City; Teens Increasingly Seek Over-the-Counter Highs [Topical Horoscopes For: Michael Montgomery (Scorpio), Natalie Hemming (Gemini), Sam McCoy (Leo), Victor Roske (Virgo)]

SPRING 2007

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 5, 2007 [Download as .doc] Children Murdered by Psychotic Cult Leader; Review: Actress Natalie Hemming Wows Audience in Stunning Revival of Cabaret; Columbia Student Found Dead [Topical Horoscopes For: Michael Montgomery (Scorpio), Natalie Hemming (Gemini), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 19, 2007 [Download as .doc] Wave of Mass Hysteria Sweeps New York, Visions of Lucasta Cited; Local Religious Leader Slain; Christine Darkwater Dies [Topical Horoscopes For: Adam Jones (Aries), Darren West (Capricorn), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 2, 2007 [Download as .doc] Mysterious Killer Commits Suicide When Faced with Police Capture; George Clooney Accuses US of Causing Iraqi Birth Defects with Depleted Uranium Dumping; Scientists Called in to Debunk Darkwater “Miracle” [Topical Horoscopes For: Adam Jones (Aries), Darren West (Capricorn), Natalie Hemming (Gemini), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 16, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Lucasta Imitator Apprehended; Vontaug Announces New Expansion; Coney Island Gang Fight Leaves Police Puzzled [Topical Horoscopes For: Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 2, 2007 [Download as .doc]: A Cry to Limit Chinese Imports at Paper; Cabaret Waves Goodbye to Natalie Hemming; General Dismissed after Claims of Mistreatment at Military Hospital [Topical Horoscopes For: NO HOROSCOPES (Courtesy of Actions by Ash Gently)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 16, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Coney Island's Eerie Calm; PCP Use on the Rise; Two Auxiliary Police Officers Shot [Topical Horoscopes For: Bojan Petrov (Taurus), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 30, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Police Continue Investigating Dentistry Case; Industrial Sector Reels Under Layoffs; Ronnell Wilson Sentenced to Death for Murder of Two Detectives [Topical Horoscopes For: Helen Rogerson (Gemini), Natalka and Vasyl Zlakazov (Aquarius), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 13, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Vontaug Reopens Queens Plant; Suspected Coney Island Drug Dealer Found Murdered; New York Housing Authority Faces Shortfall; 11 Brooklyn Jail Guards Indicted [Topical Horoscopes For: Bojan Petrov (Taurus), Sam McCoy (Leo), Rain Dylan Morgan (Capricorn), Victor Roske (Virgo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 27, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Deranged Dentists Strike Again?; Lucasta Myth Persists; DA Announces Dozens of White-Collar Crime Indictments; Family Found Boiled to Death in Bronx Warehouse [Topical Horoscopes For: Kaya Miakoda (Cancer), Sam McCoy (Leo), Reino Haldor (Libra)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, May 11, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Body Found in Staten Island Narrows; Two Guards Injured at Cloisters Art Museum; Crime Rates and Mental Health Hospitalizations Reported to Rise as “Devil's Thursday” Approaches [Topical Horoscopes For: Bojan Petrov (Taurus), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

FALL 2007

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 14, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Special (Best Hits of the Summer Recap) A New Holy War; Neighborhood Watch Announced; OP-ED: Who Watches the Watchers?; OP-ED: It's Time For a Change; Mutilated Bodies Found in Quarry; Lunez Scandal Shakes NYPD; Neighborhood Watch Grows [Topical Horoscopes For: Brian Wu (Aquarius), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 28, 2007 [Download as doc]: Stabbing Death Reminiscent of “Street Devil” Case; Wu Industries Researcher Implicated in Sempreverde Ring Commits Suicide; Sempreverde Tied to Growth of Lucasta Cults; Massive Drug Lab Busted [Topical Horoscopes For: Auberon Xerices (Virgo), Brian Wu (Aquarius), Diego (Capricorn)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 12, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Shocking Last Will and Testament Exonerates Wu Industries; Anti-Sempreverde Measure Signed; Vigilantism on the Rise? [Topical Horoscopes For: Ash Gently (Leo), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 26, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Terror in the Bronx! Return of the Lunez Killer!; Is the Watch Overstepping Its Bounds?; Vigilante Activity Continues [Topical Horoscopes For: Helen Rogerson (Gemini), Kaya Miakoda (Cancer), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 9, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Explosives Found in Shipping Container; Terror Alert Level Raised to Red; Vontaug Shareholder Meeting Security Further Increased; Pat Robertson Endorses Giuliani [Topical Horoscopes For: Helen Rogerson (Gemini), Sam McCoy (Leo)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 23, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Terrorists Attack Vountag, Verrazano-Narrows Bridge!; Where Will Vountag Go Now?; Verrazano-Narrows Bridge Reopened; Iraq Insurgency Tactics Used in Vountag Attack [Topical Horoscopes For: NO HOROSCOPES]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, December 7, 2007 [Download as .doc]: Verrazano-Narrows Bridge Event Leaves Investigators Puzzled; Progress Being Made in Vontaug Investigation; Vontaug Recovering on Market in Wake of Attacks; Shakeups at Port Authority [Topical Horoscopes For: Helen Rogerson (Gemini), Piscina Nadya (Scorpio), Rain Dylan Morgan (Sagittarius)]

SPRING 2008

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 4, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Sempre Crackdowns Encounter Difficulties; Child Rapist Arrested; Bhutto Assassinated; Storm Slams City [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 18, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Bromme Friedrich III Returns to Vontaug; Vontaug Expansion Plan Revealed; Throat-Cutter Hernandez Dead [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 1, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Police Confirm Hernandez Strangled; Blood on the Streets in Staten Island; NYPD Shakeup; Commissioner Johnson Found Dead; Giuliani Concedes Presidential Race [Topical Horoscopes For: Anastasia Rothe (Aquarius)]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 15, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Kenny G Assassinated; Vontaug Stock Manipulation Suspected; Soup Kitchen Closures Across New York; Staten Island Gang Violence Decreasing [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 29, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Lindsay Lohan Killed in Car Collision; New Recycling Rules; Staten Island Fights Abating; NYPD Officer Dead in Five Car Pile-Up; MTA Plan Shows Less Help from Congestion Pricing [Topical Horoscopes For: NO HOROSCOPES]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 14, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Bombing in Times Square; Spitzer Used Call-Girl Service; Neighborhood Watch Accused of Abuses; Violence Declines in Staten Island; Wolves Steal Meat from Packing Facility [Topical Horoscopes For: NO HOROSCOPES]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 28, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Serious Questions Arise About the NYPD Reorganization; Lucasta Anniversary Approaches; Paterson Inaugurated; Staten Island ‘Surge’ Ending [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 11, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Gunfight at NYPD HQ; Outbreak of Violence on Staten Island; Human Flesh Donated to Shelters as Food; Violence Declines in Staten Island; Watch Leader Caught on Camera Taking Payoff From Mugger; Pope to Visit “Blessed” Dogwood Tree [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 25, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Pope Visits “Miraculous” Dogwood Tree; Lucasta Cultists Active in New York; Concerns Mounting Over Watch Abuses; Staten Island Violence Declines; Pope Calls Church Sex Scandal a “Deep Shame” [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Letters to the Editor]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, May 9, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Lucasta-Related Killings Continue; ACLU Suit: Lucasta Study Groups Okay; NYPD Patrols to Increase This Week; Good Samaritan is Finally Identified [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Letters to the Editor]

FALL 2008

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 12, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Club Destroyed, Still Under Investigation; Crackdown on NYC Corruption; Staten Island Calming Down; Trials of Lucasta Followers Begin; Bush's Olympic Diplomacy; Large Hadron Collider Fires Up [Topical Horoscopes For: NO HOROSCOPES]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 26, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Gang War in Brooklyn; Wu Industries Going Green; Financial Bailout Still Uncertain; Stem Cell Gala a Political Success; Strange Graffiti Sweeps New York; Bank Robbed; Patrons Okay [Topical Horoscopes For: NO HOROSCOPES]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 10, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Brooklyn Gang War Still Quiet; Dead Animals Found in Sewers; Pfizer Inc. Spins Study Results; Stock Market Crash Continues; Candidates Turn to Negativity [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Letters to the Editor]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 24, 2008: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 7, 2008 [Download as .doc]: Obama Elected US President; Give to Get Opens Charity Shelter; Bronx Bus Crash Victims Missing; Staten Island's Halloween Circus Show; Charges Against Spitzer Dropped [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Letters to the Editor]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 21, 2008 [Download as .doc]: New Brooklyn Shelter Opens; Wall Street Still Struggling; No New Leads on Bronx Bus Crash; Op-Ed: Twilight Less Than Stellar [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Letters to the Editor]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, December 5, 2008 [Download as .doc]: GangWatch Reforming; Homeless Help for the Holidays; Obama Helping Automakers; Cel-Ray's Rap Revolution; Atheist Sign Found in Ditch [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Letters to the Editor]

SPRING 2009

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 2, 2009: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 16, 2009: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 30, 2009 [Download as .doc]: Panhandling on the Rise in NYC; Dakota Fanning on Board for Twilight Sequel; Hobo Attacks NYPD Officer; President Obama Addresses the Muslim World; Police: Homeless Break Into Staten Island Skating Rinks [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 13, 2009 [Download as .doc]: NYC Buskers: “Stop Trying to Help Us!”; Carrington Heiress Missing; Fire at Columbia Destroys Two Chemistry Labs; Old Theater's New Chance at a Greener Life; Philematology: The Science of Kissing [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Article by PC]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 27, 2009: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 13, 2009 [Download as .doc]: Fires Break Out Across New York; Drug Lord Makes Forbes List; Blackouts Hurt Homeowners and Businesses; “Disneyland for Men” in Germany [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 27, 2009: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 10, 2009 [Download as .doc]: FBI: Staten Island Attach Domestic; Body of Missing Priest Found; New Drug Hits City Streets; Helen's No Good; Vermont Legalizes Same-Sex Marriage [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 24, 2009 [Download as .doc]: Missing Heiress Kidnapped by Lover, Found in Theater Basement; Gang Violence in Brooklyn Worse Than Expected; Eskola Shipment Intercepted; Helen's: Hell Yes; Why Women Leave Men for Women [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Article by PC]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, May 8, 2009: Not Available

FALL 2009

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 11, 2009 [Download as .doc]: UGAP Bridges the Gap for Charities; Eskola Overdoses Still on the Rise; New Gym for NYU; Remembering September 11; Goblin Markets [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 25, 2009 [Download as .doc]: Cigarette Ban Now in Place; Lawmakers Seek to Declare Eskola Illegal; Environmental Activist's Kidnapping Caught on Tape; New York Woman Beaten for Bad Karaoke; Attackers Face Assault Charges; Mind Reading: Brain Scanners Reveal What You Have Seen [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Article by PC]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 9, 2009 [Download as .doc]: Huge Donation to Clinic Will Help Psych Patients; Student Arrest for Marijuana Brings Up More Eskola Issues; Brooklyn Driver Was Probably DUI; Boy Who Cries Tears of Blood [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a] [Article by PC]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 23, 2009: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 6, 2009: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 20, 2009: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, December 4, 2009 [Download as .doc]: Gay Marriage Bill Voted Down in NY Senate; Bronx Butcher Returns?; Foul Play Suspected in Wycoff House Burning; Agent Attacked by Cane-Wielding Octogenarian; Body Parts Sold to Kebab Stand [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

SPRING 2010

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 15, 2010: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, January 29, 2010: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 12, 2010: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, February 26, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Former Dirge Writer Named as Prime Suspect in Assault of Brooklyn Woman; Sea World Trainer Bitten to Death; Manhattan Man's Injuries Baffle Doctors [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

    • The Daily Dirge (Malachi Blackwell Edition) for Friday, February 26, 2010 [Download as .doc]: A very special edition of the paper for a very special Malkavian [Topical Horoscopes For: Everyone who has eyes to see]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 12, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Body of Pharmaceutical Marketer Found in Hudson River; Search for Whitney Brokehouse Continues; Controversial S.A.F.E. Drug Program to Receive Help From Danica Hope Clinic; Art for Life at the Agora Gallery [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, March 26, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Local Hero Dies After Two Years in Coma; Former Gang Leader Speaks Out on Issues of Youth Violence; Arson at Historic Brooklyn Naval Mansion; Shere's Disease on the Rise [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 9, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Bizarre Bank Robbery Baffles Authorities; Mysterious Message Found at Auschwitz; Previously Thought to be Extinct Owl Caught on Camera; Apology [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, April 23, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Terrorist Bombing in Halifax, Nova Scotia; Strange Suicide Baffles Authorities and Mobilizes Neighbors; Pope Named in Lawsuit; Arson in the Bronx [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, May 7, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Mummified Cats Stolen From Cairo Museum in Bizarre Heist; Vampire Attack in Wellington, New Zealand; Book to be Published Outlining the Strange History of NYU [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

FALL 2010

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 10, 2010: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, September 24, 2010: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 8, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Mummified Cats Stolen From Cairo Museum in Bizarre Heist; Vampire Attack in Wellington, New Zealand; Book to be Published Outlining the Strange History of NYU [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, October 24, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Man Attacked with Flaming Sword; Serial Murders in Soho; Man Arrested in Slaying of Federal Agent; Is Homer Simpson Catholic? [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 5, 2010: Not Available

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, November 19, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Flaming Sword Wielder Runs Afoul of Federal Agent; Italian Policeman Finds Stolen Statue; Fire in Bronx Ruled to be Arson [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

  • The Daily Dirge for Friday, December 3, 2010 [Download as .doc]: Staff of Late Night Cafe Mysteriously Disappear; Body of Drug Cartel Leader's Brother Found in Hudson; Remains of Dogwood Tree Vandalized [Topical Horoscopes For: n/a]

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Interested in trying to track whose horoscope might have meant what? Below is a comprehensive list of PCs by astrological sign.

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Adam Jones, Eugene "Brody" Wright

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Bojan Petrov, Daria Xela Mathewson, Delaine Haus, Edda Ghiberti, Lazzaro Giovanni, Malachi Blackwell, Marcus, Giovanni, Morryn

Gemini (May 21 - June 20): Danny J. Simons, Duff O' Connal, Helen Rogerson, Natalie Hemming, Richard Lord

Cancer (June 21 - July 22): Kaya Miakoda, Papa Bear

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22): Ash Gently, Landon Lordscroft, Leo Ripley, Luciano Ghiberti, Ojawashkozi Mahigan, Sam McCoy, Whitney "Whit" Brokehouse

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 23): Auberon Xerices, Cameron Bennett, Jamal Assara, Lillian Greer, Souris de Sang, Victor Roske

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22): Emmanuel James Richardson IV, Reino Haldor, Seth Samuel, Vinny Dapaglia

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21): Eric "Theris" Allegheny, Maria del Torro, Michael Montgomery, Piscina Nadia, TJ Phillips

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21): Andrea Kelmore, Marco del Valle, Rain Dylan Morgan, Riley O'Neil, Samuel Johnson

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19): Altair Hassani, Darren West, Diego, Elayne Morris, Conner Valentine

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18): Bill Boxley, Brian Wu, Jay Winslow, Love Cassandra Goodchild, Olan Ajora, William Lansing

Pisces (Feb 19 - March 20): Alex, Edwin Ferenton, Molly Elizabeth Rosalind Auldington, Tristan Crenshaw

S.A.T.A.N

News that Matters! Super Amazingly Truthful Awesome News was UnMasqued's tabloid publication. While the paper often had seemingly very little to do with the daily un-lives of PCs, it occasionally managed to catch bizarre occurrences too far-fetched for the Dirge to pick up.

FALL 2006

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 15, 2006 [Download as .jpg]: Were Stingray Claims Responsibility for Crocodile Hunter Assassination!!!; Both Jesus and Hadrian Evans Sightings on the Rise, Could it be Just a Coincidence?

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 29, 2006 [Download as .jpg]: Bloody Mary Strikes, Fearsome Apparition Stalks Bronx Arson Sites; Vigilante Lighting Elemental Invades Garden State

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 13, 2006 [Download as .jpg]: Nuclear Power Enhanced Monster Attacks South Korea!, Teenage Biker from the Future Arrives!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 27, 2006 [Download as .jpg]: Invasion! Sting Rays Mobilize Against Humanity; Child Eating Cannibal Nun Attacks

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 10, 2006 [Download as .jpg]: Rumsfeld's Overlords Displeased; Vigilante Lighting Elemental Invades Garden State NYC!!!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 10, 2006 [Download as .jpg]: Psychic Fetus Speaks, Claims Knowledge of Apocalypse; S.A.T.A.N. Photoshop Artist Out of Ideas!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, December 8, 2006 [Download as .jpg]: Freaks Rob West Virgina Liquor Store; Albino Alligator Delivers Apocalyptic Prophecy

SPRING 2007

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, January 5, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Horrible Winged Slug Imp Sighted!!!; Satan Has a New Girlfriend, Post St. Paddy's "Virgin" a Changed Girl

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, January 19, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Dogwood tree Blooms in Midwinter at Moment of Saint's Death; End Times Heralded by Lucasta's Angelic Armies; Tom Caught in Cruisy Restroom with Playboy Millionaire

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, February 2, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Street Devil Strikes!; Destructicon Destroys Home!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, February 16, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: How to Fight Gang Violence with Tuna Casserole!; Lucasta Implicated in Aztec Apocalypse!!!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, March 2, 2007: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, March 16, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Millionaire Playboy Takes Scruffy New Lover!; Could There Be a Vampire in Your Car Trunk?

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, March 30, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Batboy Family Uncovered!!!; Invisible Robot Catches Fire!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, April 13, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Invisible Psychic Robot to Battle Lucasta?; Zombies Overrun Staten Island!, EJR's Lovers Rise From Their Graves!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, April 13, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Unicorn Sighted in Central Park!!!; Horrific Device Creates Sharp Increase in Surreal Dream Sequences

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, May 11, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Rabid Muppet Attacks Museum!!!, Raccoon Minions Spread Vampiric Terror!; Exclusive Interview with Legendary Dogwood Tree Inside!

FALL 2007

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 14, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Street Devil Returns, What Really Took the Lunez Family; How Soon Until Doomsday?, Was Lucasta the Beginning of the End?

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 28, 2007: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 12, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Sempre Linked to Serial Baby Punting!; Vigilantes Getting More Stylish, Dragonrax Strikes Terror into the Hearts of Evil Doers - Fabulously

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 26, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Dragonrax Linked to Internet "Furry" Fandom; Sempreverde an Extraterrestrial Plot!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 9, 2007: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 23, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Crash Victims Report Visions of the Madonna; Unpardoned Turkey Seeks Sanctuary Under Dogwood Tree; Was Vontaug Defended By Battle Robots?

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, December 7, 2007 [Download as .jpg]: Aliens Claim Responsibility for Verrazano Pile Up, They Say "Sorry!"; Granny-Killing Monster Terrorizes Manhattan, Exclusive Interview: Traumatized Granddaughter Tells All

SPRING 2008

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, January 4, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Alien Takeover, Vontaug Execs Resurrected to Create Zombie Army; Killer Blood-Drinking Bees Attack New York!, Manhattan Overrun With Insects

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, January 18, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Will Smith, Scientologist!?; Giant Wolf-Man Spotted In Slaughterhouse

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, February 1, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Tom Cruise to Anonymous: Hack This!; Scientologists Retaliate Against Anonymous Hacker Attacks; EMP Weapons Cause Internet Failure Across Two Continents

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, February 15, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Leprechauns in New York; Street Prophet Spreads God's Word; Dragonrax Declares War on "Corrupt" Neighborhood Watchmen, Vigilante Justice in Manhattan?!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, February 29, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Birds Attack, Aliens Using New Tactics to Achieve World Domination; Where is Batman Now? Crazed Supervillain Strikes Again Bringing Vigilante Justice to the Talentless

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, March 14, 2008: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, March 28, 2008: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, April 25, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Lucasta Followers Blinded By Faith; Pope: "Miracle" Dogwood Tree Sent Back to God

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, May 9, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Al Sharpton is in Jail Again!; The Final Battle is Beginning, Lucasta Takes on Satan for the Souls of Mankind

FALL 2008

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 12, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Bronx Butcher Caught on Camera, Exclusive Photos the NYPD Doesn't Want You to See; LHC Fails to Destroy the World, What Went Wrong?

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 26, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Holy Water Stolen for Demonic Ritual; Graffiti Points to Hidden Treasure, Bronx Men Strike Gold in Central Park

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 10, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Glenn Beck's New World Order; Kittens Commit Mass Ritual Suicide in New York Sewers, Carnage Unbearably Adorable

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 24, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Sarah Palin: Werewolf Slayer?; Vote Or Else Hyenas Will Attack You in Your Sleep!

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 7, 2008 [Download as .jpg]: Barack and Roll!; Unholy Battle for Bus Crash Victims, Heavenly Host Hijacks Halloween Hostages

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 21, 2008: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, December 5, 2008: Not Available

SPRING 2009

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, January 2, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, January 16, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, January 30, 2009 [Download as .jpg]: Blagojevich Swears Unholy Vengeance on Senate; Homeless Army Descends on New York, Panic in the Streets!, Unemployed and Out for Blood

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, February 13, 2009 [Download as .jpg]: Masked Vigilante Emerges from Columbia Fire, "Call Me 'C'!"; Hobo Roundup, Streetwise Cowboys Cleaning Up NYC

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, February 27, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, March 13, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, March 27, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, April 10, 2009 [Download as .jpg]: Lucasta Spotted in Central Park!; Zombie Apocalypse Approaching!, The Dead Will Walk the Earth

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, April 24, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, May 8, 2009: Not Available

FALL 2009

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 11, 2009 [Download as .jpg]: Man on Fire Reaches One Million Hits, Who is Bojan Petrov?, Why is he on Fire? And Why is this Still Up on YouTube Anyway?; Pole Dance on NYC Bikes

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, September 25, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 9, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, October 23, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 6, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, November 20, 2009: Not Available

  • S.A.T.A.N. for Friday, December 4, 2009 [Download as .jpg]: Bronx Butcher Strikes Again; "Noise Music" Really Just Noise

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Vampire: The Masquerade, the names of the Clans, Sects, the Clan and Sect symbols and logos and the name White Wolf are all copyrighted by White Wolf, Inc.

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