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Hitchcock

Ash Gently; February 26, 2008

PERSONAL ACTION:

Ash does his utmost to calm and nurse Hitchcock back to health, quite possibly aided by Animalism, the internet, and a duffel bag full of meat.

Via animalism, Ash will talk with Hitchcock. If possible, he'll try to find out what he can about Lucia (and/or other members of the Sabbat) but he'll be subtle about it, only asking if it comes up during his conversations with what is probably a very large dumb bird. He also likely won't be using any other psychic magic vampire powers or ripping off the birds eyelids or anything like that. Just so you know.

Influence Response:

Hitchcock is disinclined to calm down, given the circumstances. You open the bag and find a rather furious conglomeration of feathers, shit, blood and talons descending on your person. While you eventually prove MIGHTy enough to hold the bird still, there is still an unavoidable altercation in which one of your fingers is rendered forfeit. (Take 1 lethal).

After you manage to somewhat subdue the animal, you use a length of chain as a makeshift tether, such as that young Hitchcock cannot seek out revenge on any of your other appendages as you pull out your Rough Rider Max Duo, and begin to consult the Interwebs as to what is to be done. He shrieks balefully in the background as you get a Wikipedia crash course in falconry and veterinary science. You hope to God your shithole landlord doesn't start asking too many questions, and you briefly look over the terms of your shithole lease as you work, just to be on the safe side. (Turns out birds are listed acceptable pets.)

Apparently, Hitchcock is a Red-Tailed Hawk (mostly likely of the subgenus B. j. borealis), and from what little you can glean about his injuries when he manages to be quasi-still and let you poke them (which is not often), you gather that he is suffering a series of frightfully nasty compound fractures to his left wing. The sort that are consistent with being hit very very very hard by Bojan Petrov.

The Internet also tells you that as birds have nearly hollow bones, there's only a slim chance that anything done by somebody who isn't an avian veterinary specialist will allow for correct healing in this case - meaning that Hitchcock will likely be rendered flightless... saving things like having an avian veterinary specialist on hand or having some sort of super-elixir with magical healing properties. You hence decide, even as painfully hungry as you are these nights, that it's probably for the best to let Hitchcock at some of the magical super-elixir that courses through what used to be your circulatory system, and you open a vein over some of the duffle-meat you feed him. This, and a retarded looking splint you jury-rig together out of foam board and duct tape, seem to at least begin to put him on the mend.

Once that's out of the way, and once you've cleaned up the surplus of hawk-shit on your shithole floor, come up with some sort of reasonable excuse to tell the neighbors about the hideous "kree-eee-ar" sounds that emanate from your abode, and bandaged your bloody finger-stump, you decide to spend a little quality time with your new roommate.

"Hello," you say. "I'm Ash."

"FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK!!! WHAT YOU PUT ON MY FUCKING WING!!!" Hitchcock replies.

You decide calmly, that perhaps Hitchcock has had a bit of a long night, and proceed to lock him in the closet for the day before turning in yourself (You've had a long night too). As time progresses, and he's had a few more nights of delicious duffle-meats and a few more days of near sensory deprivation, Hitchcock starts to warm to you ever so slightly during your nightly chats. As the weeks drag on, your sessions with him eventually blossom into a sort of nervous friendship. You suspect the blood probably has helped.

At first he talks a lot about Lúsha.

Mostly, he talks about how much he misses her, and how she's really really hot, and how he'd like to enthusiastically rub his cloaca against her body until eggs come out of her. He also gets a little forlorn, because Lúsha's not really ready to commit... Ya see, he keeps bringing twigs and little pieces of lint and occasionally some nice tinfoil and stuff and she's always like "Hitchcock, you are very sveet but it doesn't vork like this... I don't lay eggs." He figures you're a guy, and guys talk about this sort of thing, ya know. He asks you if you've ever had lady problems like that.

You can safely say that you haven't.

He also asks a lot about whether or not she's okay, and when he can see her again, and whether or not the Camilla is involved in all this. Lúsha used warn him about the Camilla, and how it wanted to hurt them and make certain that nobody could lay eggs anymore or fly around and hunt where they wanted to. Hitchcock fucking hates the Camilla. He admits that he used to think that you were helping it or something, given that you were with Big-Fist and everyone else who was putting Lúsha in the white moving machine... (He knew it wasn't good and all because Lúsha's moving machine is bigger and greener, and he's not dumb like the Stupid-Heads, so he tried to help her...) but he figures that you can't be helping the Camilla if you're fixing his wing and if your giving him meat. The Camilla wouldn't let people do nice things like that if they were helping it. It would probably just tell them to beat him up and pull out his feathers and make him eat bugs. Blech.

He also asks why you saved him from Big-Fist and the white moving machine and if you're friends with Lusha and Zap'Lillip and everyone. He doesn't know you and he finds it funny that your duffle-meat tastes the way Lúsha does sometimes. He also asks why your skin looks like a toad's skin and what the funny thing is on his wing that makes it so he can't quite move it, and if you know what happened to Ylli and Ylla and Jorinda and Odette and Fundevogel and the other crows and all the Stupid-heads besides that went to find Lusha.

By the week of court, Hitchcock is actually a little on the loquacious side even.

Your attempts to direct conversations toward the Sabbat slowly start to pay off. He tells you stories about Zap'lillip's noise-box and how there are people trapped in there that make noise, but he can never see them. He talks about how Angel once fed him something called a cheeze-burkur when he went out to buy supplies, and how Lusha got all angry and told Angel that he was being a Stupid-Head and that hawks shouldn't eat cheeze-burkurs... He admits however that it was really really really tasty.

He also tells you some of the stories that Lúsha told him, and how Lúsha thinks he's the strongest bravest most kickass hawk ever! Like how she wanted to name him Dragon, after her brother... who had a big patch of feath... er fur on his back that looked like a pair of wings and would always pretend to be angry but then wouldn't be because he was the omega... whatever that means... He's dead now. Lúsha seems sad about that.

Anyway, she named him Hitchcock because when Lúsha first came to where she is now, another friend of hers took her to a place where they they show story-pictures... something called a movitheeder (Apparently the Stupid-Heads also say they have delicious food behind them) and she saw a story-picture about everyone being awesome and killing all the bad two-leggy-things... not that YOU'RE bad... just you know... the ones at the movitheeder probably all worked for the Camilla. Anyhow, the end of the story was all about ruling the world and eating lots of food, and it was made by some guy called Hitchcock.

"And then like right after that she found me and named me Hitchcock 'cause I'm awesome and good stuff, ya know."

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