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Adventures with Isabella (Spring 2007)

Ash Gently; January - March, 2007

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Ash Gently; January 31, 2007

PERSONAL ACTION:

Ash tries to get some Isabella-safe learning tools to aid in her education in written language. The best he can manage is the Alphamat. He then attempts to teach his giant albino alligator with a heart of gold her ABCs.

Afterwards, he tells Isabella that he can tell she's trying really hard and goes on to do less bizarre things.

Influence Response:

Isabella is very thankful for the mat, but unfortunately gets jumpy and eats the N. She says she's very very sorry. You tell her it's okay, because N isn't that important a letter. In any event after about four hours work, you have her spelling her own name. For some reason she refuses to explain, she insists that it's spelled Isabylla, with a Y, which is somehow more "magical". You tell her she's a good girl, and she's trying very hard. She responds affectionately and tells you she loves you by making the appropriate sign.

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Ash Gently; January 31, 2007

PERSONAL ACTION:

Gently begins by heading to a specialty adult goods store in the hopes of purchasing a new riding crop for Ida Slapter. Preferably, a really goddamned nice one, with optional attachments (cat-o-nine-tails, transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation devices, wartenburg wheels, etc). He demands it be gift-wrapped. He sends it to Ida, along with a card with a lion cub saying "I'd be LION if I said I didn't appreciate ya".

Next, he looks for a book of elven poetry for Isabylla. If the shopkeep asks him who it's for, he tells them it's for the huge albino alligator who lives in the sewers and has the heart of an elven princess.

After this, his last stop is Ronnie's Liquor Store where he proceeds to purchase a quantity of hobo-grade liquor (read: cheap strong booze). The booze goes to the hobos involved in bringing the Seven Foot Tall Eyeless Hobo Eater to justice, along with hearty slaps on the back and a congratulations on a job well done, or at least a congratulations on finding the fucker and making him dead.

Lastly, he searches for a substitute letter "N" for Isabylla. And by "search", I mean "waits outside Ronnie's Liquor Store until it closes, and then takes the letter N from the sign." I mean, at least he's still got one, right?

Assuming all goes well, Ida Slapter gets her superwhip, the hobos get their hobo juice, and Isabylla gets a full alphabet, more language lessons, and a deeper connection to her noble heritage.

Influence Response:

You scout out a rather pricey sex shop and get an Ubercrop for Ida, with as many bells and whistles as possible. It's grade A leather, flexible and looks stylish. They call it "The Asp". You get it gift wrapped and get the card custom made. Ida thanks you and wishes you a Happy Valentine's.

You buy Isabylla A Gateway To Sindarin: A Grammar of an Elvish Language and get a companion to the Lord of the Rings that has excerpts of all the poetry. The shopkeeper looks at you askance when you tell him what's what. You consider assbeating him.

Isabylla is still working on words like 'Ash', 'Rat' and 'Sewer', and hence needs the poetry read to her. You oblige and she promises to try extra hard at the whole spelling thing. She likes hearing Aragorn's verses about Arwen as he picks a gold flower somewhere around the Moria chapter.

Ronnie supplies you with a great deal of slightly questionable and fairly old (but cheap!) Wild Irish Rose. You agree not to press charges if anyone dies or becomes violently ill. He agrees the next night to not ask questions about his 'N.'

None of your hobos die thankfully, being made of stronger stuff than Ronie's discount alcohol.

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